I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
