he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize