Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
