you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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