How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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