Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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