5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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