I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
