so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
