I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
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I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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