Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
