I swear god or herbie drove my car home
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
