that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His hands were made for my vagina.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
