I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
