I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
PANTIES FOUND
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
