thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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