Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
