P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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