how can u be prego again
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
