I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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