I'm jealous of your bromance
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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