seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
