There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
