If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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