Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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