WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
