i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
