after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
