wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
