My first STD was from a foam party
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
