NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize