girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
