A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
