Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was born a porn star she said
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
