Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
