Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
