Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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