last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
