Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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