i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
