I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
