There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
