considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
