I hate your face
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
In America we eat man semen.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
