I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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