Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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