brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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