I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
