I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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