If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i came on her dog
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
