There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
