i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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