You really coming over, don't trick.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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