Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
