whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
