Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No subtext here. People are naked.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
