Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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