you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
