Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
