Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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