If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
