You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
