Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm always down for nudity.
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