I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
