all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
