Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
