Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
