Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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