im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
