Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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