well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
