Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
