i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We were destined to go to rehab together
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
