I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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