saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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