I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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