I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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