yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
