i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
