I have demons in me.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the condom got lost in my hair
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
