glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
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